Writing the right Sex Scene

I’m not some expert. I’ll say that now but having wrote quite a number of different characters sex scenes I think I can make some sense.

  1. Remember who your character is! If your character is a shy little thing they’d never have a highly detailed sex scene (especially from 1st person), that could be as simple as implying they’ve had sex or doing the lead up so the readers now that’s what’s going on. The same goes for the more boastful and loud characters they’d more likely have a detailed sex scene that they’d be proud of. Then of course there’s the characters in the middle, the ones who aren’t completely shy but aren’t loud and boastful, you can do a variety of things with these characters, you could write the lead up, get to the point of doing it but not quite writing them doing it and skip straight to the aftermath.
  2. Is your character a virgin? Something that people don’t really consider. It’s always one of the first that I do because sex scenes really are quite different for virgins and non-virgins. If you’re writing a loosing a virginity scene it could have more speech in it, more comforting, directions on what they’re doing. If you character has already lost their virginity and if they know what they’re doing there could be no need for speech at all, it could just flow with what they are doing and having no need for a word to be said between the two characters.
  3. How old is your character?  Also a rather important factor. Is your character above the age of consent in the country you are writing and if not is there a particular reason that they aren’t (is it relevant to the story that one of the characters are below the age of consent?), it also goes for older characters, characters who could’ve had more experience since they are older and are unlike to have teenage type sex, they could be with a committed partner who they’ve been with for years and their sex would be different to a pair of 16 year olds who are doing it for the first time.
  4. Are your characters in love? One most people wouldn’t think of. If you’re writing a sex scene (taking the virginity or just sex) you have to fit it to your character and the person they are doing it with. Two people in love would have a completely different experience with sex than two people who’ve met that night and were having a one night stand and how would the aftermath work? Would the person still be there when they wake up? Was the person spending the night anyway?
  5. What is the gender and sexuality of your characters? Is it a man and a woman? Two men? Two women?  Are you willing to do the research for these sex scenes? Knowing how different types of people have sex can make your sex scene about ten times better and a whole lot more believable and remember some people like to read the nitty-gritty stuff, the stuff you would possibly think you should leave out, if it’s true to that sexualities/genders sex why not put it in?
  6. Take it slow. I mean for you. Rushing a sex scene won’t do you many favours, take your time, do your research and make sure what you want to put across comes across. Not every sex scene is a hard-core erotica like 50 shades and that’s important to remember some can be soft and on a window seat with a snow setting. Remember to make it right for your character and right for you – you don’t want to be uncomfortable whilst writing.

Good Luck! and remember you learn as you do, your first sex scene you could go back a few years later and cringe at how inexperienced you were just don’t be disheartened and keep trying!


1 Comment

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One response to “Writing the right Sex Scene

  1. Good tips, RJ! Number 1 is spot on! If you are writing first person point of view, you have to let THEM tell the story THEIR way, no matter what!

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