Extract from Prince’s Tale I which was released today (14/02/15)
I think I decided when I was rather young that the idea of Valentine’s Day wasn’t a good one, when I was young enough to not know better I used to believe I’d outlaw it once I am made King. Then I realised as it’s a National Holiday that’d be a bit hard. Ten years on, although I still am not hugely fond of Valentine’s Day I do not feel the need to outlaw it, I do however feel that the pressure, it puts upon such person in a relationship, is ludicrous and should be banned. I was stood beside Anthony, looking into one of the many pinkly decorated card shops, trying to work out just what my role in Valentine’s Day was this year.
“Is he getting you something?” Anthony asked so I raised one shoulder, “Do you want to get him something?” I raised the other shoulder, “YOU’RE not helpful!” He stated so I looked at him,
“Anthony, I cannot buy a card that says I suppose boyfriend because I cannot be seen buying it, I also cannot be seen to have it in my possession, I cannot send him flowers and chocolates via the royal service as he cannot find out that I am well royal, so I am ruddy well stuck”
“Ruddy well stuck?” he repeated fully, fully amused by the statement so I threw a very tiny strop which just made him more amused, “Aren’t we good and proper!” he mocked so I pushed him making him laugh,
“Are you buying Annabelle a card?” I asked and got rolled eyes in return.
“Now Matthew is that rebuke not old now?”
“Now Anthony did you not sleep together on New Year’s?” I replied and he pointed at me, his mouth open but no words coming out,
“How on earth?” he queried whilst lowering his finger,
“Jordan,” I said nodding, “Keeps me well informed, I do the same.”
“Well isn’t that good of Jordan” he replied lovely and sarcastically so I grabbed his arm and began shaking him,
“What do I do?” I asked making him growl at me from the back of his throat,
“No card,” he said so I nodded, “Maybe something to show you care so what? Chocolates?” he said then shrugged again “AT least then you can share the chocolates, smiles all round, wet naked sexy time” He said then clapped at me making me jump then begin shaking my head,
“NO wet naked sexy time,” I said hearing his oxymoron of a laugh, it was amused yet exhausted,
“Let’s go eat then we’ll buy your chocolate but NOW let’s go eat,” He said then took hold of my shoulders and began to lead me towards a fast food outlet.